Helping Your Friend Grieve

I'm having a really emotional day. I've been clearing out my inbox and found an email from my friend's older sister. She is a pastor's wife and it has been really fun getting to know her as a "real person" and not just my friend's older sister. ;)

She recommended Molly Piper's blog when she found out we lost our baby. I've kind of been avoiding heading over there because Molly talks a lot about dealing with grief after they had a stillborn baby girl whom they named Felicity. I knew it was going to stir up emotions that I've been trying to keep under wraps. But God is good and knew I needed an outlet for my emotions today.

Molly did a great series on How to Help Your Grieving Friend. And they are helpful. I really encourage anyone who has a friend dealing with a loss to check out these posts. I plan on revisiting her posts and posting my own thoughts on her topics because they all really hit home for me.

Here are my comments on Molly's How To Help Your Friend Grieve series:

• Exhaustion
• "Scrambled Eggs"
• Stages of Grief
• "Let Us Know If You Need Anything" (my own tip)
• TNT
• Hallmark Answers
• Still Thinking of You
• Some Lovin' from the Oven
• Scrub-a-Dub-Dub

Glory Baby

During our early days of grieving the death of our unborn baby a friend quoted some lines from the song Glory Baby. It is a touching song and I'd like to share the words with you.

Watermark - Glory Baby
print these lyrics

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby...baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby...baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we're home with you...
Until we're home with you...

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there's a
Day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You'll kiss our tears away
When we're home to stay
Can't wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
'till mom and dad can hold you...
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it's hard to
Understand it 'cause we're hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we're stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would...
Just like He said He would...

BRIDGE:
I can't imagine heaven's lullabies
And what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know...all you'll ever know...

I pray that my baby is basking in the glory of God. I pray Jesus' arms are holding my child until we get to heaven. I also pray that if you've experienced a loss like this that these words will give you comfort as they did for us.

Tzatziki Sauce

We have a favorite Greek restaurant in town and they have the best Tzatziki Sauce. I've tried several recipes at home and none of them even compare. The problem was is that I wasn't using Greek yogurt. You wouldn't think it would make much of a difference, but it's thicker and has more of a sour cream texture. But Greek yogurt was hard to find until now. Yoplait has come out with their Greek yogurt. And it's delicious. I found it at my local grocery store near the regular yogurt.

I searched internet recipes and they call for 8 oz. of Greek yogurt and Yoplait only sells it in 6 oz. containers so I winged it and made up my own recipe using several recipes from online to guide me. Here's my Tzatziki Sauce:

Tzatziki Sauce

1 (6 oz) container Yoplait Greek Yogurt
3/4 cucumber, peeled, seeded and finely chopped
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 tsp cider vinegar
1 garlic clove, finely minced
1 tsp dill (more to taste)
salt and pepper to taste

Mix all ingredients well and refrigerate for at least 1 hour for best results. You can use your food processor if you desire a smoother consistency. Enjoy!


** We enjoyed our Tzatziki Sauce with sliced steak, onions, tomatoes, cucumber in a grilled pita.

BlogRoll

Blogs on Infant Loss
Bring the Rain
Finding My Feet
Beauty for Ashes
Molly Piper

Favorite Blogs
The Homespun Heart
ShortstopThe Pioneer Woman
Victory Road
Diaper Diaries
We Are THAT Family
The Best Days of My Life
Stay-at-Home Missionary

Blogs That Inspire
One Pretty Thing
The Farm Chicks

Nesting Place
Joy's Hope
Sew Mama, Sew

Foodies Only

What's Cooking?
For the Love of Cooking
Bakerella


Words That Challenge
Girl Talk
A Holy Experience


Homeschooling Resources
Heart of the Matter
Homeschool Creations
The Homeschool Classroom
Confessions of a Homeschooler

The Homeschool Mom (FIAR resource)
Homeschool Share (FIAR resource)


Saving Some Dough
The MotherLoad
$5 Dinners
Money Saving Mom

Pudding Pops

We just made homemade pudding pops today. I remember eating them as a little girl. And boy, were they good! So creamy and delicious. So when I found this recipe I was excited to give them a try. The only hindrance was finding popcicle molds. I'd been looking for them for several months thinking that they would be more readily available in the spring/summer. But I just found them at TJ Max on Thursday evening. This morning we whipped up a batch and put them in the freezer. They were enjoyed this afternoon and were really yummy...not as good as the store-bought from the '80's but still, pretty good. I think next time I might try to do a swirl of chocolate and vanilla. Give 'em a try.

Pudding Pops
makes 6 popcicles

1 small package pudding mix
milk according to package
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup evaporated milk

Add milk to pudding mix according to the package instructions. Add sugar and evaporated milk to the pudding and mix well. Pour into 3 oz. paper cups or popcicle molds. Place in the freezer. When paper cups are partly frozen add popcicle sticks. Freeze until firm.

Words of Comfort

"Love begins before a baby is born... and that love will live forever in your heart. When you lose a baby, you lose not only the promise of a very special human being, but you lose many beautiful hopes and dreams as well."

I received this Hallmark card from a family at church and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I needed to know that losing our baby was a big loss. Losing the hopes and dreams of this baby. For what this baby would become. For who this baby would grow up to be. It's hard thinking of falling in love with a little person growing inside of you only to find out that that baby isn't alive anymore. This was a card that deeply ministered to me because it spoke of the loss I was feeling. Losing a dream, a hope, the promise of my very special baby.

To those who grieve in Zion -
"to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."
Isaiah 61:3

I really appreciated these verses because that's what I pray for: for God to turn my mourning into gladness, my spirit of despair into praise and for Him place a crown on my head instead of ashes. I want to be joyful in my hope of salvation and be known as an oak of righteousness. But some days it's hard. I don't feel strong I don't feel like I'm displaying any splendor for the Lord. My mourning is so strong that I read these verses and pray that my hope will overcome my despair and that I may grow strong through this experience and be able to minister to women in a way I never thought I could or would.

"[God's] arms are big and strong enough to welcome your little one into His presence and hold you close in the midst of your grief."

This was just part of an email I received from a dear friend, and youth pastor's wife. I love the picture of God welcoming our little one home the same time he's comforting us during our loss. Our God is so big and so complex. I'm thankful for those words during this really difficult time.

"The Master Gardener has a place for little Buds in His Heavenly Mansion as well as flowers in full bloom and beginning to fade."

That was taken from an email from my husband's Gramma. She, herself, is a gardener and I had never imagined this word picture until she presented it. It is beautiful and since then we've been calling the baby 'Lil Bud. Thank you Gramma for your loving words.

These were just a few words of comfort that we've received over the last few weeks and we've been grateful for all of them. It seems like a lifetime ago and yet it seems like everything happened just yesterday. I haven't been able to write about the details of the day we found out and the days following including the day of the D&C. It's just been too emotional for me, but I pray that as time passes God will allow me to share those days with you. I feel like there may be a woman out there who is grieving the death of her little one and may get some comfort knowing that she's not crazy for feeling the way she does, that she isn't over-reacting, and that losing an unborn baby is a big deal.

Please continue to pray for me as we hit two milestones this week: Mother's Day and our regularly scheduled ultrasound at 19 weeks. Thanks.

Losing

I've been wanting to share about losing our unborn baby but until now, it's just been too painful to put into words. And there are so many emotions that come into play that it's hard to really share about what happened. About my feelings, my fears, my doubts, my baby. The following is the email that we sent to our friends and family. Some of them didn't even know we were expecting yet so it was a hard email to send.

Hi Family and Friends ~

Most of you knew (and some of you didn't) that we were expecting our third baby on October 8. Yesterday we had a routine exam at the OB and the doctor couldn't find the heartbeat. I still felt ok about it because I was still throwing up every morning and felt sick most afternoons so we thought that was a good sign. We then had an ultrasound done and we saw this beautiful little baby without a heart beat. The ultrasound showed that there is still blood flow to the placenta so my body is still making hormones like I'm pregnant which is why I haven't had any spotting, cramps and I still feel sick and pregnant. The doctor told us that because there is still blood flow to the placenta that my body may not pass the baby for for 1-2 months (and I would be "pregnant-sick" most of the time). That's why we decided to have a D&C (dilation and curettage) today at the hospital. I'm far enough along (15 weeks) that it can't be done in the clinic and would have to be done at the hospital where I will have full anesthesia. Then I'll be at the hospital for a few hours and go home. There are some risks but for the most part it's a pretty routine surgery.

Please pray for me as I have my procedure done and pray for my husband and I also as we grieve this loss. Thanks so much.

The next several posts will contain more details about the day we found out our baby had died, the day of the procedure, and the days following the procedure and all the emotional, physical and psychological effects of losing a child. I hope that other women who have lost their unborn babies can relate and feel like they are not alone. Thanks so much.

Funny Things They Say

Who: our 4-year-old
When: Jan. 18, 2010
Where: Home, when lying in bed
What he said:
Son: “When I get 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, no 10, then I will eat a lot and [my little brother] will stay home and I will go on a date, like you and mom.”
Dad: “Oh, so when you turn 10, then you will go on a date like mom and dad? Who will you go on a date with?
Son: “You and mom. And when I am 10, then [my little brother] will go on a date too.”
Dad: “So, when you are 10, [your brother] will be 8, and then both of you will go on dates?”
Son: “Yeah.”
Dad: “Well, you and [your brother] can’t go on dates until you are 16.”
Son: (laughs at me like I am joking with him)

Who: our 4-year-old
When: March 10
Where: in the kitchen
What he said: “Mom, this is a perfect sandwich.” About his PB sandwich for lunch.

Who: our 4-year-old
When: March, 2010
Where: Usually at home
What he said: When [he] is disappointed about something, sometimes he goes “Stinkers!”

We've been keeping track of these funny little things on a Word Document all the while looking for a book to record them in. We thought about a generic notebook, but I wanted something special. I found a book by Amy K. Rosenthal, she's one of my favorite memory-keeper-authors, so I went with her book, Words to Remember, and I really love it. We'll have to remember to put the Who, When, Where (and Age) down but I like her style. Another great book that we checked out was, My Quotable Kid, another great way to record your child's funny thoughts, sayings, and ideas.

How do you record the funny things your children say?