Thursday, April 29, 2010


I've been wanting to share about losing our unborn baby but until now, it's just been too painful to put into words. And there are so many emotions that come into play that it's hard to really share about what happened. About my feelings, my fears, my doubts, my baby. The following is the email that we sent to our friends and family. Some of them didn't even know we were expecting yet so it was a hard email to send.

Hi Family and Friends ~

Most of you knew (and some of you didn't) that we were expecting our third baby on October 8. Yesterday we had a routine exam at the OB and the doctor couldn't find the heartbeat. I still felt ok about it because I was still throwing up every morning and felt sick most afternoons so we thought that was a good sign. We then had an ultrasound done and we saw this beautiful little baby without a heart beat. The ultrasound showed that there is still blood flow to the placenta so my body is still making hormones like I'm pregnant which is why I haven't had any spotting, cramps and I still feel sick and pregnant. The doctor told us that because there is still blood flow to the placenta that my body may not pass the baby for for 1-2 months (and I would be "pregnant-sick" most of the time). That's why we decided to have a D&C (dilation and curettage) today at the hospital. I'm far enough along (15 weeks) that it can't be done in the clinic and would have to be done at the hospital where I will have full anesthesia. Then I'll be at the hospital for a few hours and go home. There are some risks but for the most part it's a pretty routine surgery.

Please pray for me as I have my procedure done and pray for my husband and I also as we grieve this loss. Thanks so much.

The next several posts will contain more details about the day we found out our baby had died, the day of the procedure, and the days following the procedure and all the emotional, physical and psychological effects of losing a child. I hope that other women who have lost their unborn babies can relate and feel like they are not alone. Thanks so much.


The Lewicki's said...

I love you Jess, and am hoping that by hearing of your emotions and pains I can better know how to pray for you, and be a better friend. Know that I am completely unsure of how to best show you love right now, and I know that I haven't even come close. I am truly sorry for that. I love ya, and am so glad that we have Father who is able to show you love so much better than I am!

Denise said...

i'm sorry for your loss jessica. so sorry. grieving for you, but celebrating that your child lives fully in "God's love better than life" (psalm 63:3).

i lost a baby at 14 1/2 weeks (nearly 10 years ago). i still miss him, caleb. i miss him in the pictures on the walls, in the giggles, the play, i miss him at the dinner table, i miss him when his big brother longs for a little brother, i miss him when i kiss my 3 still here good night... i miss him everyday. and i trust God everyday that he knows what is best, and will give us the sweetest reunion.

i hoped, and dreamed, and moved him into our lives the day i discovered i was pregnant. i'm his mommy still, i can't move him out.

oh but heaven will be sweet when we understand God's mysteries. when we hear their voice worship, see our children, hold them.

i can't wait.

may God be gracious to you. show himself to you. be glorified through you, and be CLOSE.