The boys and I decided to meet the group for free time at the mall and enjoy dinner with the staff. It was really nice to see everyone. And then we went to the first part of the session Downtown Des Moines. My oldest got to ride the bus from the mall to the hotel with Dad and his "students." Our younger one was pretty upset until I bought him a gumball at one of those
They got to bed late, it was cold, and I rarely skip church so that's what we did on Sunday morning. We are usually at church from 8:45a-12:30p on Sundays so I thought it would be nice to have a weekend of nothing. And it was a beautiful morning. We listened to Christian radio, I read my book, the boys played cars, shared, talked, made up stories together, taught each other how to work the different parts of the race track. It was wonderful. I had to text my husband and let him know what a blessing it was to my heart to have skipped out on church. I told him that my heart was so full of joy watching the two of them together...but then there was a twitch of pain. Something was missing. Someone was missing. Elihu. He would've been 3 months old this past weekend. What would we be doing if he were around? Would things be the same except I'd be rocking a sweet baby boy? And that's when it hit me, I'm nostalgic for the what-ifs. I wondered if that could be possible: to be nostalgic for something that's not real. And it is. It is.