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Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Waiting Room

I'm not good at reading while I'm waiting. Especially in a hospital waiting room. I always take a book along thinking I'll get some reading done during these "quiet" minutes. But my heart is anxious so I watch.

There's a group of people sporting the same t-shirts. They're wrinkled like they're brand new. One woman is knitting, and two of the men are busy on their phones. They're chatting and look like they're glad to be together.

I read another paragraph.

There's a man sitting to my right. He's all by himself. He has a red purse with him. I'm assuming he's waiting for his wife. The purse looks heavy as he totes it to the front desk to check on his wife.

I re-read the same paragraph.

Starbucks is right across the hall to my left. The line never seems to end. It moves quickly but people just keep filing in for their $4.00 coffees. Several walk past me with their red cups looking like lizards. Their tongues barely touching the edge of the lid. And then not. And then trying again. They're all anxious to sip their fresh beverage but they know, the coffee's practically scalding. The sign at the front register says so. And most of them have been burned before and know they'll regret it.

There's a woman sitting in the coffee area. She's wearing a red turtleneck sweater and is talking really loudly into her phone. She's shouting about how she feels like hell and can't seem to get rid of her hacking cough. I reach for my hand sanitizer kind of wishing I'd brought a mask.

The women from the group of t-shirts join around a table. I wish I could see what their shirts say. Out comes a deck of cards. They shuffle and deal. No one gives directions as they've all played this game before. The cards snapping together as they are shuffled seems so loud in this anxious little room.

I read another paragraph. I dig through my purse to find a pen to underline something that I should remember. I look around waiting for the recovery door to open with a nurse telling me I can go back to see my baby. But it's just another delivery guy. They sure get a lot of packages back there.

There's a woman in a blue vest at another table. She's right next to the free waiting room coffee. She's on her phone, looking through a book, writing, then erasing, then writing again. She pops the top off her pink highlighter and makes some marks in her book. I can't tell if she's working or studying.

I read on. This book is really good and I should probably read it when I'm not so distracted. This is some good stuff that I'm going to need to process.

A man wearing black dress pants and black shoes walks by. He's supporting the Hawkeyes with his University of Iowa jacket. He sits right next to the woman studying at the table. She doesn't even look up to acknowledge him. He sits with his head in his hands. She puts her work away and takes out her phone. It doesn't look like they know each other but it seems strange that he would sit so close to someone he doesn't know. Maybe they do know each other but have nothing to say.

Finally, I take my turn in the Starbucks line. I'm thankful for the gift card in my pocket. I order my coffee and two pieces of pumpkin bread. My baby will be hungry when I see him in recovery. He loves food so I know he'll appreciate this treat.

I return to "my" seat, glad that someone didn't take it. Now I become a lizard as I wait for my coffee to cool-off enough to drink. But it smells so good and I can't resist, and I sip burning the tip of my tongue just like I have so many times before.

The group around the table are giving each other hugs as the nurse updates them on their loved one. "No bowel resection." There are tears of joy and looks of relief. They seem more energetic as they shuffle and deal their cards.

I read over the words I've underlined. I read the next page and the next.

I look up from my book and there's a little old woman about two feet away staring at me. She has a hospital badge on so I ask her if she's looking for Caleb's mom. She looks confused. She asks if he had an MRI and I answer yes. I'm the one she's looking for. She gives me instructions to Recovery II as if she's said them a million times. I don't hear half of what she says but say thank you as I grab my book and coffee. I look over at the man with the red purse. He looks slightly defeated that he hasn't been invited to go to recovery.

I'm thankful to see my baby smiling on the nurse's lap as she rocks with him. I'm glad he took his little blanket. She hands him over and says he handled the anesthesia well and that I should sit with him for a few minutes before heading to our next appointment.

I sit on the recliner with my boy in my lap. My feet don't touch the floor and I probably look younger than I feel. I offer small bites of pumpkin bread to chubby hands and the look of delight is priceless. He refuses the milk in his bottle as he claps for more bread. I sit thankful for this chubby-cheeked boy.

After about fifteen minutes, I gather our things and give the nurses my sincere thanks as we head out the door. To another waiting room.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Our Twin Story: Part 1 - We're What?!

I really don't even know how to start this post. :) The twins' first birthday is coming up and what a better way to celebrate than to tell you our story...their story. But I have to start at the beginning of the journey.

In April 2010 we lost a precious baby boy, Elihu, at 15 weeks. The grief hit me like I'd never have expected and sent me into battle with God. I knew He had a plan but I wasn't ready to trust that it was a good plan. I didn't want to let go of my little boy. But God faithfully continued to pursue me and He so lovingly gave me Elihu's name. We had a heaven party to celebrate his little life in October 2010 and shortly after that we found out we were expecting again. Instead of falling head over heels for this baby I guarded my heart and I still regret that. I didn't allow myself to fall in love just in case it didn't work out...and it didn't. We lost that baby, Elliot, at 10 weeks. Instead of devastation and anger towards God I felt guilty for not allowing myself to be vulnerable to love. And I still hurt, just in a different way. I trusted that God had a good plan for my life, for my family and for my babies, but I felt lost.

I spent most of 2011 working on healing my body after medical procedures, sudden hormonal changes, thyroid issues. And when we got the "ok" to start trying again in November, I didn't want to. I was scared because I knew that if we lost a third baby I wouldn't be able to handle another pregnancy after that. But we went ahead and started "trying."

I noticed that my period was about a week late. I called Jonathan to pick up a pregnancy test on his way home from work. I peed on the little stick and waited for the full three minutes before looking...it was negative. And I was disappointed. I guess I was more ready than I had thought. But instead of being angry I cried out to God. And I mean, I cried. I finally asked Him that if it was not in His plan for us to have more children, to please oh please take this desire away from me. I was ready to give in fully to His will. I woke the next morning with swollen eyes from bawling into the night and Jonathan looked at me like, "What happened to you? Were you crying last night?" Yep, he slept through the whole thing. :)

About a week later, I still hadn't had my period so I thought I might as well pee on that second stick that came in our "two-pack" of pregnancy tests. I left the stick in the bathroom and proceeded to go about my day. About a half-hour later I went into the bathroom with fresh towels and saw that stick still sitting there. And it was positive. WHAT?!

I called Jonathan and told him to pick up another "two-pack" and come home...now. :) And they were both positive too. I made the official call to our OB and spoke to the nurse. The rule at our clinic is that you don't get to see the doctor until you're 12 weeks along, but since we had complications our last two pregnancies they let me in at 8 weeks with an ultrasound to make sure "something was there." What some awful words to hear. But we remained hopeful.

In fact, that night, a week after my last bawl-fest, I cried out to God again. I boldly approached His throne of grace and pleaded with Him to give us twins. I told Him that our desire was to have four kids and I didn't think that I would be able to handle another pregnancy if this one went well, let alone if this one ended the way our last two did. I pleaded for Him to let me keep this baby and to please make me pregnant with twins (they do not run in our family). I woke the next morning with swollen eyes and Jonathan looked at me and knew that I had been crying the night before while he was asleep. :) I told him that I asked God for twins. He looked at me like I was crazy. He told me what most people would've said if I told them about my prayers, that I should just be thankful for a healthy baby, that I was pretty gutsy to ask God for twins when I should just be happy to have a healthy pregnancy. I told my dear sweet husband that God already knew what was on my heart and that I wasn't afraid to come and ask Him for the "impossible."

On December 28th, 2011 we walked into that OB clinic with a full bladder anxious hearts. The last two times I was in this clinic, they did not end well. The anxiety was almost choking me. I had to remind myself to keep calm and breathe. I couldn't look at the magazines of pregnant celebrities. I had a hard time being in the same room with all those pregnant women. I was so glad that Jonathan was with me. After waiting for about 45 minutes, my bladder that was full when I arrived was about to burst. My husband and I laughed, but not too hard, about me needing to empty my bladder just a little bit. The only problem was that I didn't know if I could stop once I started. :) I know this is weird to share, but there's a reason for it later. So I did. And it did not feel good. I emptied about half of my bladder and went back to waiting for my name to be called.

Finally, I was called back for our ultrasound. I may have looked calm but I was a nervous wreck. The tech left so I could change into a gown and I was almost to the point of an anxiety attack. Jonathan held my hand and prayed for me and our baby. I was so scared to see another lifeless image on the screen. To see a baby, with no heartbeat is horrifying. Praying helped to remind me who God is and that no matter what I knew God was in control and that He loved me. The tech came in and put that cold jelly on my belly. We stared intently at the screen. Eight weeks is pretty early to have an ultrasound so it was hard to see what was going on. The tech ultrasounded my belly for a bit and then said, "I'm going to need a closer look. Don't worry. It looks fine, I just need a better look." I thought she was lying to us and I was panicked. I was also mad that we were probably going to be charged for two ultrasounds because I needed a potty break earlier while waiting. I was allowed to empty my bladder and when I returned the tech started the second ultrasound. Jonathan and I returned to staring at the screen. And that's when I saw it. I looked at the tech and she smiled at me. I said, "Is that..." And she said, "Twins. You're having identical twins!"

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Whatever


Funny Confession Ecard: I've been overthinking about otherthinking again.



I've heard the word shy defined as "a fear of social judgement." Introverts get energized from time alone whereas extroverts get energized when they're with people.

I'd say I'm about 75% introvert, which leaves 25% of me needing time with my family, my friends, my church, and ministering to students. But since I've been confined to the couch, the hospital, and my home, I've noticed that my introvert is taking a shift towards shyness. I'm becoming a recluse. It's even hard for me to write, which has always been an outlet for me, because I'm afraid of offending someone: making myself look pathetic or like a saint (I am neither). 

Introvert and extrovert are at war within. :)

My introvert is calling for space away from my littles - little hands, little spills, little diapers, little cries, little discipline-issues. There's no escaping people. I shower with the bathroom door open so I can hear any fights, any alarms beeping, any crying.

But my extrovert crying out for attention too. I miss worshiping with fellow believers. Sure listening to the sermon online is great, but worship is lacking without the people of God around you singing praises and crying out to God together. I miss my friends.

And then shy creeps in. Do I still have friends? Have I been replaced? Is it socially acceptable to talk about your struggles? Do people even remember who I am? What do they think about what I'm wearing? What about the weight I've gained since having the twins? Will people still think I'm funny? Did they ever think I was funny?

I think all of this adds up to leaving my heart open to a huge attack from Satan. Feelings of annoyance and frustration for my family. Feelings of jealousy and comparison toward people in my community. Feelings of inadequacy and insignificance creep into my soul. These are not healthy nor helpful feelings.

How do I battle this? How do I embrace the life that God has given me? How do I conquer my feelings and live with Truth in my mind and my heart?

The only solution is the Word. My husband often reminds me that those things, my doubts and fears, are not true. Those thoughts of insignificance and inadequacy are lies and I need to block with Scripture. Philippians 4:8 is one of those powerful verses that I need to meditate on when I have those negative thoughts and feelings. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

I am learning to accept that this is the journey that God has me on and there's no use in fighting it. I need to find joy in my little home and in my ministry to little hearts and hands. I need to acknowledge the significant role that I am playing in my sons' lives. I need to be at peace with the way God made me and that I have value because I'm His. This is no longer my life but Christ living through me and when I let Him fill me I will shine and there's confidence in that.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Today I Will Choose Joy



I need to repeat this aloud to myself multiple times a day.

Like when I hear matchbox cars being scraped across my hardwood floor. That is such a grating sound. I want to take good care of the things God has given me. And when I hear that sound all I can think about is the scratches that are being left behind.

So I say to myself, "Today I will choose joy."

I think about the little boy that is "driving" those cars. I think about how tender his heart is and how much fun he's having while he plays. I take the time to listen to him singing "10,000 Reasons" while he races cars back and forth over the floor. I remind myself that people are more important than things.

I also add "purchase a rug for the bedroom" to my shopping list. ;)

Wood floors are pretty trivial around here with the babies and the monitors and the tanks of oxygen. But sometimes a pet peeve can be even more irritating when it seems like we can't even "control" the small things. I am thankful for all my little boys and all the "excitement" that they can cause. ;)

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Desperate for More

I love Sally Clarkson. And I love her books.

I appreciated going through The Ministry of Motherhood along with Good Morning Girls. It was such an encouraging reminder that what we do at home with our littles is important and eternal. Our home and our family is our ministry. Whether I'm praying with my little boy after he's been disciplined to wiping yet another tiny hiney - I am ministering. God loves our mommy hearts and Sally's been so great at encouraging them. :)

She has a new book out, Desperate, that she wrote with Sarah Mae. I ordered my copy a few days ago, but am really looking forward to it. This has been a difficult season for me. 12 weeks of bedrest through the spring, spending 12 weeks of summer in the NICU, and being "trapped" in my house since August 8th and seeing no "relief" until RSV season is over at the end of May has been tiring on my heart. And it's been lonely.

But I've noticed something, there are a lot of lonely moms out there. Moms that are tired from racing around in their vehicles delivering one child to this and another child to that. Moms that have children with special needs that require more time, patience, care and understanding. Moms that don't have family nearby to help when you just need a 10 minute walk around the block to keep your sanity. Moms that feel the need to keep up a perfect home, decorated, clean and inviting, but too tired to have anyone over to enjoy it. There are moms who are exhausted from disciplining - oh, so tired.

We all love our children and would do anything for them but it's a tiring and often thankless job. We are desperate for more. We are desperate for God.

I'm so looking forward to reading Desperate by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson. And the authors are hosting a give away of a spa/mentoring weekend in Colorado Springs!! Make sure you head over to the Desperate website to find out how to be entered in the give away.  **contest over**
 


Thursday, December 20, 2012

My Baby Favorites


When we were expecting our first child, I have to admit that I was really excited to register for gifts. I'm sure it's that way with most first-time parents: the perfect stroller, the cute sleepers with matching hats, the blankets that will look cute draped over the new rocking chair, the tiny colored socks for every little outfit, the toys and music that will stimulate little brains to higher IQs.

This time around it's a whole lot different. We have boxes of clothes, sleepers and hats. We got hand-me-downs til the cows come home. This time we are focusing on the practical and not the cute, although, cute does have some weight.

The first thing I did was weed through the toys. We simplified it to a few boxes: rings and rattles, blocks, toddler cars, and balls. They are all plastic so they can be sanitized. Sorry, little fuzzy monkey rattle, you're not welcome here anymore. If I couldn't clean it properly, it went in the trash or the garage sale pile.

Next, I got rid of all the cutsie socks that matched each outfit and got plain ol' white and gray socks that actually stay on their feet. I was tired of finding matches, or not finding matches. And they were always falling off and getting lost.

Then I went through the clothes. Because the babies are hooked up to wires and tubes they can only wear onsies and snap-up front pajamas. That meant all the cute outfits with pants and matching onsies were out. I left them in the box and only pulled out the snappy jammies.

Now onto the new stuff we didn't use the first time around. These things have become our necessities amid the downsizing of all our baby stuff. We use this stuff every day and I am so thankful for them! :)

Feeding
 
$269.99 at Target

I had planned on nursing the twins until they were a year old. But I never did get Zeke to nurse and I was only able to get Caleb to latch on a few times and then he didn't really get anything substantial. So I pumped. A. LOT. When I was in the NICU, I used the hospital Medela pump. And when I was at home I used the home Medela Pump in Style. It is totally worth the cost, but if you're in a situation similar to ours, insurance will usually cover the it.


$9.99 for 50 bags at Target

When you're pumping a lot, you get a lot of milk. :) And I filled two deep freezers full of milk. That's right, two freezers. I was pumping every 3 hours for 30+ minutes and would skip the middle-of-the-night pumping. We started off freezing milk in little bottles we got from the NICU. But I was making so much milk that every time I pumped I would fill 3 bottles, that's 360ml or 12oz. And those little bottles took up a lot of space. I had used the Lansinoh Breastmilk Storage Bags with my first son and they proved to work great this time around. It was a lot easier to freeze the bags flat so they stacked nicely in the freezer. The only thing that I don't like about them is when they're frozen, they can get holes in the bottom corners of the bag if you drop them on the floor or they fall out of the freezer. So, just make sure you thaw them inside of a zip-lock bag.

Then you have to feed those babies all that milk. :)

$20.59 for a gift set at Target
I had used Playtex Bottles with our first boys so I thought they would work perfectly for the twins (mostly because I already had all the stuff). :) But these guys like to keep us hoppin'. Zeke had a terrible time eating. I honestly felt like we needed to take him back to the hospital after the first 24 hours of having him home. I just felt like he didn't know how to eat. It was really hard to say the least. I was crying most of the time because he was so sad and hungry but couldn't eat. Then we got a recommendation for Dr. Brown's Bottles. I had never even considered them because of their cost, but they are worth every penny!! They've made a huge difference for Zeke: less fussing, less burping, less crying, less frustration, better flow, better eating, just better. :) They are little more difficult to clean because of the parts and small holes but each set comes with a special cleaning brush.


$12.89 at Target
And we had never needed to clean bottles before. We used to have a dishwasher and with the Playtex Bottles, we just tossed the inserts and bought new (not very frugal of us). We only needed to clean the nipples and we would just put them in a basket and pop them into the dishwasher. Since we have twice the bottles and a lot of bottle parts to clean, we decided to get a special drying rack for the bottles and it's been super handy to have. The First Years Spinning Rack was recommended by some friends and we love it. We also got a great bottle brush by Avent.





Sleepy Time

$59 at WalMart
Our babies are really good sleepers and this is something that we are so grateful for!! God has blessed us and given us a lot of grace and mercy this time around. Zeke was a little more difficult at first because he needed to sleep in an upright position because of his reflux. But we solved that issue with the InGenuity by Bright Starts Portable Swing and a Fisher Price Bouncer (which we already owned). What an amazing invention and the fact that they make portable version is even more awesome!! Zeke spent his first months at home in the bouncer and the swing. And now Caleb takes his afternoon nap in his swing. They're great to help with sleeping issues like reflux but it's also helpful when they have colds and need to keep their noses free from congestion. We do tilt the crib mattress so that helps but letting them take a nap in the bouncer or swing is even better.


$4.99 at Target
And our boys love their Philips Avent Soothie Pacifiers. They started with a super-mini-mini version in the hospital and have now advanced to the regular size. With our older boys we used the MAM Baby Trends Pacifiers cause they were cute and were orthodontic, but I didn't really know what to get. They used those in the hospitals they were born in so that's what we went with. I soon learned that they can get gross...fast. We did boil them regularly but they still seemed to get stuff in the little cracks and crevices. This time around our hospital used the Soothie and after doing some research I found out that this simple pacifiers are great cause they don't have any little crevices for germs and stuff to get stuck. We still boil them regularly but I feel a whole lot better on the germ-side of things. And they even make these cute WubbaNub Pacifiers that have the pacifier attached to a small stuffed animal so it's easier for them to put it back in their mouths when they're a little bigger. And they're cute. :)

$12.99 at BabiesRUs
The other thing that we've really been thankful for is the Summer Infant SwaddleMe wraps. All of our boys have appreciated the comfort that swaddling provides. We used flannel blankets with our first two and they worked well but they would bust out of them so quickly. The SwaddleMe is great!! And I wish I had had time to make a bunch of my own. The key is their Velcro straps. They help keep the baby wrapped tight. Not only did it provide comfort for the twins, but it also helped keep their hands away from their faces. We learned in the NICU that babies put their hands to their faces to comfort themselves. That's all well and good, but not when you're on oxygen. They've pulled the oxygen tubing out of their nose and ripped the stickers off of their faces - OUCH! So the SwaddleMe wraps have been super helpful with sleeping, keeping them oxygenated, and protecting their skin.


Chillin'

$29.99 at Target
I would love to have extra helpers around the house all the time but we have been restricting visitors because of the germ-factor that comes with fall/winter. So, we've used the wonderful Boppy Pillow to act as another pair of arms. :) We use them in the living room on the couch to help with feedings - I hold and feed one baby while the Boppy holds the other one; we use them in their cribs to help sooth one baby while I rock the other one in our glider. We had one from our when our big boys were babies and a friend graciously gave us hers since she was finished using it. There are all kinds of cute slipcovers (which get washed a LOT around here) but I'm sure if you like to sew you can find some ideas on Pinterest and make your own.




$99.99 at Target
I am in love with our stroller!! It is probably my favorite thing we've gotten this time around!! We were gifted by some friends the Baby Trend Universal Double Snap-N-Go Infat Car Seat Carrier. We had a really hard time picking out a double stroller. We had a front-to-back stroller that we used with the big boys but traded it in for a Sit-N-Stand but I knew that wouldn't work for two car seats. We really debated getting a side-by-side jogger (and we probably will get one later) but heard that the side-by-side wasn't the easiest to get around. I knew that we would need a lot of room for their monitors and oxygen tanks so when we saw the Double Snap-N-Go we were pumped! And then when we got it in the mail our high expectations were confirmed with an easy assembly. It is very light-weight, fits almost any brand of car seat, and holds all of our gear. It's a great stroller and we are so blessed to have received it as a gift.


$5 at Bath and Body Works

And one thing we CAN'T forget is the hand sanitizer!! Did you know that Bath and Body Works now makes full-sized hand sanitizers?! We have the pocket-sized sanitizers in almost every bag and pocket we own. There are many different scents and if you're not into scents, they have unscented as well. And they always have some seasonal stuff of which we are currently enjoying. We are never without our sanitizer.

So that's my review of our favorite baby items. As the babies get older I'm sure there will be more fun finds that I'll let you know about. And I already have some things that I'm looking into getting this time around including the Beaba Babycook, the IKEA Antilop Highchair (I heard they stack!), and the Baby Trend Navigator Stroller. If you have any questions or suggestions, please leave a comment. :)

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Bye Bye Food Dye E-Book

Hey everyone! I'm proud to annouce that Brooke at B in Real Life has created an e-book of all the information on living dye-free. You can download it now so you have the information handy if/when you decide to live without food-dyes.



Also, Brooke is starting a new blog


And I will be a regular contributor!! We will be sharing more information, stories, recipes, grocery lists and all sorts of fun that comes with dye-fee livin'. Please make sure to check it out!! Thanks!

Friday, November 23, 2012

Photo Limit Reached

So I've been wanting to update you all on our lives but there's something that's keeping me from getting that done....I have reached my photo limit. :P

I'm not quite sure what route I'll be taking on this dilemma. There are a few options: moving my blog to another host, paying for extra space, removing old posts/photos, blah. I've been wanting to get back into bloggin "full time" but keep hitting snags along the way. I love having pictures on my blog and people probably enjoy that more than the writing. ;)

So, I will be back. :) I have lots to tell you: the story of our sweet babies, why we are a "Pampers" family, little DIY Christmas decorations, what I've been reading, and just things that float around in my brain all day. Thanks for your patience as I figure out my next bloggy steps.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Me Wanna Cookie

Hey friends!

First of all, I finally am crossing something off of my Gettin' It Done in My 30's List!! I am guest posting over at B in Real Life today. She's continuing her week of Sayin' Bye Bye Bye to Food Dyes!! And she's asked me to share our story of why we kicked Cookie Monster frosting to the curb. She's also sharing the signs that your child may be sensitive to food dyes. So make sure you head over to B in Real Life and check it out!!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Death to Food Dyes

 
 
My friend, Brooke, over at B in Real Life, is hosting a Dye-Free Week!! I am so excited for her to share her story and how their lives have changed since they've said Bye Bye to Food Dyes. This is near and dear to my heart since we have also started living a dye-free life.

She will also be sharing the stories of others who've made the big change (including ours) and she'll have some helpful tips on choosing dye-free foods and how to know if food dyes are affecting your children in a negative way.

I hope you stop over at B in Real Life to learn more about living without food dyes.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

"How Old Are Your Twins?"

That...

*pause for dramatic effect*

...is a very good question.

The babies were born on May 15th. That makes them about 5 1/2 months old (25 weeks). But since they were born just under 28 weeks gestation, that changes things.

Their due date was August 8th. So their adjusted age is almost 3 months old (13 weeks).

Most of this is irrelevant since we don't really go anywhere beside doctor appointments so we pretty much avoid all the questions and explanations that it requires to tell people how old they are.

When we take the babies out to doctor appointments we usually have them covered to protect them from Black Plague that's lurking in every doctor's office and hospital. That also helps us avoid curious people. And then when an alarm starts beeping because one of the babies is stretching, crying, fussing, or one is trying to get my attention by holding their breath and faking their death, most people avoid us like we have the plague. It works pretty well, I guess. :)


We are told that around the ages of 2 to 3-years old, we won't have to correct their age anymore and we'll be free to tell people their age from birth instead of constantly trying to remember what week they're at in real time...and adjusted time. Honestly, most of the time I can't remember either age, especially in weeks, and to calculate from their birth and their due date is way too hard for this sleep-deprived brain.

So, we have twins. They're both babies. And they're both boys.


"Are they identical?"

Well...yes, they are.

"Really? They don't look identical."

That's a story for another day. :)

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

A Long Hiatus

Welcome back to you and to me! It's been a LONG time since I've written and there are very many reasons for that. I've been contemplating the best way to get back into it since I've been "missing in action" for so long. There have been many times where I've wanted to write about something but thought I first needed to explain why I haven't been writing.

Well, like I said there are numerous reasons but they all correlate to these two:
October 2012

That's right! :) Those are my babies. Twin boys that I carried and had cut out of me delivered on May 15, 2012. And they've caused quite a stir from the time we found out we were expecting to today when they're both asleep on the couch after their tummies were filled with milk.

After losing Elihu at 15 weeks and another baby at 10 weeks in 2010, we wondered if we would be able to have more children. We wondered if our two boys (now 6yrs and 4yrs) would complete our quiver. My husband and I spent a lot of time in prayer and discussion trying to decide if it was worth the possibility of having our hearts broken again if we lost another baby.

That's the main reason that I didn't blog about my pregnancy. Fear. It is a lot easier, albeit painful, to write about my grief after losing our two babies than to write about my fears. My "Type A" personality likes that there are stages of grief. I understand the process of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It even makes sense to me how you can bounce around between those stages in a day...or even in an hour. There's a documented process to grief, a "science". But fear/anxiety/worry is something that I've struggled with my whole life in one way or another. And I've never seemed to "master" it.

God calls us to "cast our worries on Him" which is something that is usually easier said than done. But 1 Peter continues "because He cares for you." And that's what I needed to focus on throughout my pregnancy. That God cares for me. During the summer of 2010, I learned to rely on God's sovereignty. I had to know that He was in control. That He had a plan for me. For Elihu. I had to cling to that promise. I couldn't grasp on to His goodness or His love or His mercy. But I could rely on His plan. I had to because there was nothing else.

And while facing my fears over this last year, I've learned that I still need to cling on to His sovereignty, but that I can enjoy His blessings, His goodness, His mercy. I can bask in His love and that through His plan, I can have joy. And joy does not equal happiness. Joy takes work. It takes choosing daily to live joyfully instead of in a state of worry or anxiety. And I am still working.

Over the next few weeks, I want to share with you my story of my newest blessings: Caleb Henry and Ezekiel Thomas. From the time we found out we were expecting, to today as I struggle to survive in this house of boys. :) Thanks for your patience during my absence and I hope you keep reading.
 

Monday, December 19, 2011

Salted Peanut Bars

These take a little more time than my regular Salted Nut Roll Bars but are worth the extra effort (which isn't really much). :) They are tasty and have totally satisfied my bar-craving (along with the Twix Bars I just made). It's a great recipe for me because I had most of the ingredients in my house and I really needed to use up that little bit of Rice Krispies left over from Rice Krispie bars.



Salted Peanut Bars

Crust:
1/2 cup soft margarine
2/3 cup brown sugar
2 egg yolks
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups flour
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
3 cups mini marshmallows

Topping:
2 cups Rice Krispies
2 cups salted peanuts
2/3 cup corn syrup
1/4 cup oleo or butter
2 tsp vanilla
1 (12oz) pkg peanut butter chips

Crust: Mix all crust ingredients together, except the marshmallows, in a large bowl until crumbly. Press firmly in to a greased 9x13 pan. Bake at 350 for 12-15 minutes. Sprinkle with the marshmallows and return to oven for 2 minutes, until marshmallows begin to puff. Cool while making topping.

Topping: Combine corn syrup, oleo, vanilla and peanut butter chips in a large pan until melted and smooth, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and stir in peanuts and Rice Krispies. Spoon over marshmallows and crust to cover. Refrigerate until firm. Cut into bars.


Enjoy!!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Twix Bars

I'd have to say that The Hull Christian School Cookbook is my go-to for baking. It has some great recipes for cookies, bars and snacks. It's my favorite for homemade goodies. I had to call one of my dear sisters-in-law for some clarification as she grew up using this cookbook just like me. :) With her help and a call to her mom, these Twix Bars turned out delicious!!


Twix Bars

1 tube refrigerated cookie dough
1 (14oz) pkg caramels
1 can sweetened condensed milk
3/4 stick oleo (I used margarine)
1 (12oz) pkg milk chocolate chips
1 1/2 cups creamy peanut butter

Spread cookie dough on a greased jellyroll pan (it will make a thin crust). Bake in a 350 degree oven until golden brown (about 12-14 min). Melt the caramels, sweetened condensed milk and oleo, and spread on cookie crust. Refrigerate 1 hour. Melt chocolate chips and peanut butter and spread on caramel layer. Refrigerate until firm. Then cut into squares.


Enjoy!!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

House Update

I've been doing all kinds of little projects around the house but thought I'd keep my promise and take you all along for the ride. That's really hard to do, being a perfectionist and all. So here are a few pictures from around the house and I'm sure I'll take time to tell each story and give you a tutorial I'll be sure to give you a quick overview. :) These pictures were taken in November hence the fallish decor.

Here's a bookshelf that's in the process. I just used some old fruit crates and stacked 'em. The top "display shelf" is built out of an old wooden palette. I made the bunting for the bathroom but had a little extra so I added it to the shelf for some color.

Here's part of our kitchen/office area. I made the curtain out of some flour towels and some scraps of fabric. It's really too short for this space but I haven't had the heart to move it to the window above the sink (not as tall) because I'm going to have to alter it and I'm not too excited to do that. You can kind of see our aqua cabinets that I love! We haven't gotten the doors on them yet and I don't know that I'll put the top doors on as I'm really enjoying having them open. I also got the idea to hang our colander's on the wall from a family at church. This is one of my favorite areas to be in during the day. I can be on my computer, watching the boys out the window and enjoying a cup'o joe. But looking at that curtain in the picture is paining me so that's maybe next on my to-do list. 

This little light is in our kitchen. It's made from an old milk-separator I got at a junk store. My husband turned it into a light for the kitchen and I love it's feel. You can also see where I proudly display my recipe books. I love the way the red contrasts with the aqua. :)

Here's our school calendar. Since it hangs in our dining room I wanted it to be functional but not make our dining space look like a kindergarten classroom. I got an old screen window from a friend and I spray painted it cream and then sanded it to make it look rustic. That way a little of the rusty read shows through on the edges. I really like how it turned out. I used some scrapping paper to make the calendar outline and then designed some squares to fit. It was a long process to decide what to do about holidays and birthdays but I made some generic birthday/anniversary cards and we use a wet-erase marker to write names of family and friends. They are all attached by velcro so it makes changing things easy. We use the little red paper clip to mark what day it is. I really like how it turned out - functional and vintagey all at the same time.

Here's a picture of our bathroom. Well, to be specific our shower/tub. I made the bunting (the same that's on the bookshelf in the living room) to add some color to the room without having to buy a shower curtain that was patterned. This way I can change the color or feel of the room without having to buy a new curtain. I still need a little something to hang over the toilet but it looks better than it did when it was all white. :) Oh, and we got one of those "fancy" hotel curtain rods that create a little more "space" in the shower. It's been really nice!!

This is a picture of the shelving that's in our bathroom. We decided to keep the doors off the top half of the built-in and paint the back wall of the shelves the same aqua that's in the kitchen. I really like the idea of keeping the colors the same throughout the main rooms of the house so if you want to "redecorate" things in one room you can just move items around. Makes redecorating cheap and easy. :) I added red cloth bins for storing larger items. 

I love the look of vintage blue Ball jars. Here I put two on the counter to store cotton balls and cotton swabs. There are some on the shelf too, that hold shells and other little cutesy items. I also love how the gray towel pulls the gray out of the jar lids. It's the little things that make me happy.

This is our living room. You can see that little crate bookshelf next to the door that goes to the garage. We hung coat hooks by the garage door and the front door. That way we have a home for our things no matter what door we enter. The embroidery hoops over the couch are filled with fabric cut from fat-quarters from our local quilting store. And I made the "V" with buttons from my Grandma's button tin that I got after she passed away. I added a few red buttons in the "V" to add a little color. I made the pillows on the couch from our old throw pillows. They matched the couches that are in the basement and they do not look good with the current theme I have going so I decided to recover them with slip-covers so I can wash the drool right off of them. :) The first one is made with some turquoise fabric and then I made some bunting with red-polka-dot pennants. I think it turned out pretty cute and didn't really cost me a thing. And the cream pillow behind it has some stacked flowers sewn on it. They're both pretty simple and the best part is that I can wash them.

 The next two pictures are just some decorations I put up for fall. We don't really decorate for Halloween and I want to remain frugal so I decorate for the season instead of the holiday as it lasts longer. This is a little print I made of the hymn, Come, Ye Thankful People, Com. And I used some scrabble tiles to make the words "Give Thanks." The candle is a generic one with some twine tied around it. And it's all setting on top of a piece of burlap that I use as a table runner.

This is an idea I got from Maggie. Her mom had something similar to this in her home and I loved it. It's a pie tin with an old cheese-grater. It's filled with potpouri and the best part is that there's a candle under the grater. The light makes little stars when it's lit. Right now I have pine cones in the pie tin and a Christmas candle underneath to make it smell like we have a fresh tree when ours is a plastic as they come. 

Well, that's a short preview of some of the things we've been doing around the house. We've officially stopped on the major decorating/renovating as unexpected things have been popping up that need our attention and our funds more than the aesthetic things we were focusing on before. Hope you enjoyed this little tour and hopefully I'll have more exciting things to show you in the future. :)


before and after's to come "soon"

Monday, November 28, 2011

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Five in a Row: Weeks 5-12

We are finally caught up after missing a week of school in October due to two bouts of stomach flu - not pretty. So I wanted to update you on all our goings-on in our little schoolhouse. We've enjoyed many books through Five in a Row and have really enjoyed using our world map on a regular basis. Some weeks we do a lot of activities inspired by the books we read and some weeks we do the minimum as our schedule allows. Without further ado here's what we've been up to. :)


Week 5 - The Rag Coat
This was the week that Asher was sick so we did the minimum. We enjoyed reading about the Applachian experience through reading The Rag Coat. The only activity we did during this week was quilting. Yep, I let my little boy use my sewing machine - with LOTS of supervision. Plus he was terrified of getting stuck with a needle so he was pretty respectful of the machine. We took old scraps of fabric and sewed them together and added a piece of fabric to back it. It worked out well but I don't think I'll scare him with the sewing machine for a while. :)



Week 6 - The Glorious Flight
 We really enjoyed this book and learning some French names was a highlight (Blair-You). The boys loved laughing like French men, "Hugh, hugh, hugh!" :D Made me laugh!! We colored paper and made them into paper airplanes flying them across the yard. We also took a trip to the local airport to watch planes land and take-off but since this is a relatively small town, there wasn't any action. The boys were disappointed but were equally distracted by the McDonald's we picked up on the way. We also took a little trip to the grocery store and bought a French baguette. They thought it was so fun to be able to just rip off a chunk. If I had really been on the ball, I would have made this airplane as a craft, but again, some weeks are better than others.

 
Week 7 - A Pair of Red Clogs
 This was a book that interested my boys as they were so interested in the little girl's clogs. We talked about taking care of our things and being responsible - even with our shoes. I was preparing them for winter when they have to keep their tennis shoes out of the snow. We tossed our shoes to "predict the weather" and then we waited til the next morning to see if our "predictions" were right. I had him draw the Japanese flag in his journal along with drawing different facial expressions. Overall it was a good experience and I would recommend reading this book again.

Week 8 - The Clown of God
 This book, on the other hand, I had a little more trouble with. I found some activities but I had a difficult time explaining the meaning of the book. I talked about how important it is to be a light everywhere we go. And that our light shines to show Jesus' love as the monks showed love the the clown. When the clown dies in the end of the book (sorry to give away the ending) I explained out important it is for us to do our best for God all through our life. That we can give glory to God until the day we die. And I left it at that. I didn't want to go into the details of the statue changing its face and I'm glad they didn't ask for an explanation. :) I got a kit from the library with a CD and different color scarves so we danced and jungled along with the CD. The boys had a lot of fun with that. I had him draw pictures for the vocabulary words: juggle, eggplant, zucchini, torches, and monks (brothers). I don't know that I would necessarily teach this book again, but after reviewing what we did I think it was sufficient and they seemed to enjoy the activities we did through the week.

Week 9 - How to Make Apple Pie and See the World
 We really enjoyed this book as we had been on a field trip to the apple orchard a few weeks earlier. We enjoyed "traveling" around the world for all the ingredients to make and apple pie since the grocery store was closed. I printed out a world map and we used a ruler and red marker (like Indiana Jones) and drew out our trip to each country. We also journaled all the countries and the ingredients we picked up while we were there. I found pictures of each mode of transportation, each country, and each food item. We pasted them into the journal and recorded the details of the trip. We made apple crisp on Friday to enjoy as dessert. It was a great week and we had so much fun traveling the world together.


Week 10 - Sick Week
 This is the week I had the flu, so needless to say, we didn't get much done. We rearranged some things so that I could rest and the boys could play instead of having school. Lots of books were read while cuddling on the couch. Also, dad cooked dinner almost every night. :) That's looking at the glass half-full.


Week 11 - Papa Piccolo
 This was not what I expected at all. I expected this book to be about music, but it was about cats as the cover easily displays. And my boys LOVE cats (I am very allergic so I don't really enjoy them too much). We found Venice, Italy on the map and looked at pictures online of their "roads" which are really a series of canals. We talked about how much fun it would be if we traveled by boat instead of car. Or if we had to walk nearly everywhere. They thought that sounded like a great idea. We journaled drawings of the vocab words: canal, sardine, chime, carnival, glum, and gondola. We made a color wheel and practiced our addition using kitten counters. The boys loved talking about kittens and next time I would like to take them to the Humane Society to visit some kitties and cats.


Week 12 - Grandfather's Journey
We didn't really get into this book. It was a little more difficult as the timeline of the book moved quickly and I don't think they realized that the character was the same because he aged so quickly through the book. We did take another look at Japan and made some hats out of paper - origami. We talked about days in a week and months in a year to note how time passes. We also discussed family generations - Great Gramma, Grandpa, Dad and them. And how each one has their own experiences because of the years they lived. We didn't really get into WWII but did discuss how each generation has ties to different parts of history.


And last week we played catch-up from the week when I was sick. So, we are back on track and that feels so good!! :) We've had a lot of fun incorporating other fun activities into our school days including:

Games:
Hi-Ho Cherry-O!
The Farming Game Kids

Printables:
Star Wars
Read, Build, Write
Super Mario Brothers

site word games and counting lots of objects.

It's been a great experience so far and we are really looking forward to our next books: Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel, Katy and the Big Snow and Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.


What are you learning in your homeschool classroom? What are some good books that you recommend?

Friday, November 25, 2011

Pumpkin Pie

Pumpkin Pie is about the easiest pie you can make. I always use my Betty Crocker recipe and it never fails to satisfy us. It's a simple recipe out of my first cookbook - Betty Crocker's Cooking Basics: Learning to Cook with Confidence. I received this cookbook from my parents upon moving into my first apartment and it has served me well. It would make a great gift for a high school graduate or a new bride.

Anyway, on to the recipe...

Pumpkin Pie
from Betty Crocker

1 frozen deep-dish pie shell
2 eggs
1/2 cup sugar
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/8 tsp ground cloves
1 can (16oz) pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling)
1 can (12oz) evaporated milk (not sweetened condensed milk)
whipped cream or Cool-Whip

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Set out frozen pie shell to thaw.

2. Beat eggs slightly in a large bowl with a wire whisk or hand beater. Beat in the sugar, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, pumpkin and milk.

3. To prevent spilling, place pastry-lined pie shell on a cookie before adding filling. Carefully pour the pumpkin filling into the pie plate. (There will be extra so don't let it overflow - I put the extra in a little ramekin to enjoy later.) Bake 15 minutes.

4. Reduce the oven temperature to 350 degrees. Bake about 45 minutes longer or until knife inserted in the center comes out clean. Place on a wire cooling rack after baking. If after 4-6 hours the pie has not been served, cover and refrigerate.

5. Serve pie with whipped cream or Cool-Whip. Cover remaining pie up to three days.


Easy-peasy. Enjoy!!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Prepping for Thanksgiving

This year for Thanksgiving my sister and her two kids are coming!! We are so happy to host them in our new home and are so thankful for the extra room so they can stay with us. Therefore, I've been cooking up a storm! And I love that kind of weather. :)

First of all, I did all my non-perishable and frozen shopping last week and this week I picked up the fresh produce and my regular items. It made the shopping a lot less overwhelming. 

And I've learned that it is ultra-helpful to have a plan when you have guests coming. So, here's the plan (and some of the recipes) for Thanksgiving:

breakfast
banana bread (bake on Wednesday)
cinnamon rolls (refrigerated from the can)
fruit

11am - appetizers
BLT dip with Wheat Thins (prep on Wednesday and mix together on Thursday)
veggies and dip
fruit

1p - Thanksgiving
turkey (Thursday)
mashed potatoes (Thursday)
sweet potatoes (cook on Wednesday, bake on Thursday)
green bean casserole (prep on Wednesday, bake on Thursday)
stuffing (prep on Wednesday, bake on Thursday)
dilled corn (Thursday)
brown and serve rolls (Thursday)
cranberry sauce (Wednesday)
7-layer rainbow jell-o (Wednesday)
layered lettuce salad (Wednesday)

3p - dessert
pumpkin pie (Wednesday)
scotcheroos (Tuesday)
chex mix (Tuesday)

dinner
LEFTOVERS :)

It's been fun using all the pots and pans in my kitchen. Finding my casserole dishes still packed in boxes and using my Pampered Chef chiller veggie platter. My boys have also been handy in the kitchen and we've had lots of fun learning together. They're learning how to pour and stir without spilling, how to clean up as you go, how it's important to taste everything (they really like that part), and how to have fun. I've been learning how much they love being in the kitchen and that they're more likely to eat the food that they helped make. I've also been learning to let them have fun, and that includes being messy. I am teaching them to be careful, but I'm not the neatest cook in town so I shouldn't expect them to be either. And it's been fun singing to Christmas music while we cook.

How do your kids participate in the holidays? Do you dare ask them to help in the kitchen? :)

Happy Thanksgiving to "all" my readers!!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Planning a Superhero Birthday

This month my youngest turns four! He's been requesting a superhero birthday party for a few months (without changing his mind - a miracle) so we're going with that. He's requested a "Scooperhero" birthday cake since we received this as a gift from two former students:

He uses this delightful spoon to eat his breakfast every morning but I'm wondering how that's going to make it onto a cake. And he's also requesting that we change the colors to cardinal and gold for Iowa State (his favorite team). So I've been trying to accommodate his requests while not driving myself to the loony-bin.

Here's a few ideas I've been focusing on...

Food
We want to keep it simple so we're thinking cupcakes, a few snacks and some drinks.

chocolate cupcakes with toppers (from Fabulous Features)

other fun snacks with these "labels" (from 3 Sweet P's)


I thought about bottled pop so I can put a cute "FIZZZ" label on them, but we're dealing with preschoolers so we might be sticking to juice-boxes instead...or sippy cups. :)

Decor
Again, focusing on keeping it simple, we're going to have a few signs around and maybe a banner or two. And food is always a great way to decorate simply.

great signage (from Love the Day)

Party Favors
In our area it's customary to send home some treats/favors for each child attending the party. I don't want to spend a lot of money on this but I still want it to be fun.

a mask for each guest when they arrive, adults too? (from 3 Sweet P's)

a Superhero lollipop (from Zakka Life)

and maybe a Superhero bookmark and some Pop Rocks all in a cute Superhero bag.


And then I'll purchase some plates, napkins and cups and we'll call it good. That means I have some work to do.  :)

Have any great Superhero-party-planning advice for this Super Mama?