I'm still here. I'm having a hard time writing lately. I think it's because after Elihu's death and because the whole process of grieving and making it out on the other side with a better perspective has been exhausting and a lot of hard work. It's hard to look at the day-to-day things and feel that they are significant after the loss of a child. But it's the day-to-day things that make life worth living.
I can say that my heart is heavy this Christmas. I'm trying to be positive and not dwell on the should'ves or could'ves but rest my heart in Jesus' birth and the joy my family brings me. I don't want to carry my heavy heart around ignoring the joy that my boys bring me. I want to be joyful in the little everyday things they do - whether they are positive or not-so positive. ;)
So instead of trying to think of stuff to write at the end of this year, I'm focusing on 2011 - a fresh new start. I want to begin 2011 with a gratitude journal. I bought a little pocket-type calendar and this year I will be writing in it everyday something that I am thankful for or something encouraging and positive. I thought a calendar would be better than a regular notebook because it might keep me on task better. There's a little spot for each day and I plan on filling it with all the good things going on in my life and in the lives around me. I would love to also keep track of my Bible reading. I read something almost everyday but I don't often journal about it or write about it so I thought if I'm not going to journal it at least I should record what I've been reading and put some kind of description down so I will remember if it was something that touched my heart.
I hope you all have a Merry Christmas. We sure will. But my heart is really looking forward to the freshness of 2011 and the hope that it brings. Love to you all!! Merry Christmas!!