Thankful

It's always fun finding something unexpected in the mail. I opened my mailbox and it was stuffed full of bills, coupon fliers, my favorite magazine Cook's Country, and even a package with my name on it. I didn't think I had ordered anything and there was no return address. I opened the package to find this book:

And this note:

What a pleasant surprise!! And what a blessing. :) I'm looking forward to reading One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp as she's always so thought provoking on her blog, A Holy Experience. I'm behind in the group discussion but I look forward to viewing the videos of Ann sharing her thoughts about each chapter. What a blessing to receive this book as a gift from an anonymous sister in Christ. Thank you!!

Dr. John Perkins and Dolphus Weary

We were so privileged on Monday to hear some wonderful men encourage us with their stories: Dr. John Perkins and Dolphus Weary. These two men have been very instrumental in the ministries that are happening in Jackson and in the rural towns around Jackson.

Dr. Perkins and Jo Caswell

Dr. Perkins had lunch with us today (and even asked me to get him a second piece of cake - my claim to fame) and then spoke about where is heart is after all his years of ministry. And he's at a season of blessing and fruit. He called the group from Northwest Iowa (lovingly referred to as "the Dutchies") his friends. And he couldn't have been successful in ministry without the help from friends. He's led an amazing life and it's great to see him enjoying this season of fruitfulness, which includes traveling and speaking. He has a wonderful story and you can read about it in his book, Let Justice Roll Down. "For the past 50 years, Dr. John Perkins has dedicated his life to empowering people and ministries to work alongside the poor and vulnerable." He has been a civil rights leader for many years and has been a part of the beginnings of many wonderful ministries: Voice of Calvary, Christian Community Development Association, Mendenhall Ministries, and many more. Dr. Perkins' life verse has been Galations 2:20 and he sums it up like this:  "Love is the final fight."

This evening Dolphus and Rosie Weary joined us for dinner and then he spoke about his ministry and how God led him back to Mississippi even after he said, I Ain't Coming Back (the title of his book). Dr. Perkins led Dolphus to Christ and encouraged him to find out where God was calling him. And his wife, Rosie, also wrote a book, Stepping Out from the Shadows, from her perspective as they journeyed through ministry together. We had some time for Q&A and I asked how she remained passionate about her husband's ministry when their children were small and she said, "Oh...you'll have to read my book." :) Made us all laugh. But she was honest and said that it was hard, and she needed to refocus on her part in ministry and that it's not just being an encourager or a prayer warrior. I bought the book and am anxious to read it. (The proceeds of their books go into an endowment fund to help rural Mississippi high school graduates attend a Christian college with the intention of returning back to Mississippi to serve in ministry (doctor, nurse, pastor, banker, etc).) Dolphus also works for Voice of Calvary Minitries in Mendenhall and the surrounding rural areas/towns.

It was such an honor to hear both of these men (and Rosie) share where God has led them and where He continues to lead them. A few things that stuck out for me were:

1. Rosie said that her ministry was more than being an encourager and prayer warrior for her husband's ministry. Although both of those things are very important, it causes me to pause and think about how my husband's ministry is our ministry. How moving to another part of town may help me to become more passionate in ministry with him and how God can use me in my daily walk to advance the Kingdom. Looking forward to get into her book. :)

2. Dr. Perkins is at a stage where he is enjoying seeing fruit, seeing how his many years of hard work has paid off. It's a great encouragement to know that someday there will be fruit - in my children's lives, in my husband's lives, in my life, in ministry. During those dark stormy hours where we are feeling heavy with the load of the Kingdom we know that it is only by God's grace we are able to play a part in building His Kingdom. That it's not by our power that there will be fruit but we are only the farmers planting the seed and it is Him who causes all things to grow. Even if we never see the fruit of our labor we know that God is faithful and we need to remain focused on that during the heavy times of ministry in our communities, churches and in our homes.

3.One thing that stuck out from Dolphus speaking was that in ministry, we need to measure success with the small victories. "We send 10 students to a Christian school (using their scholarship program) with the intention of all 10 returning to serve in rural Mississippi and only 3 come back. We can become downhearted about the 7 that didn't return or we can rejoice with God that 3 returned home to serve and share the love of Christ with their neighbors and friends. We must measure our successes in the small victories." And that's something that I wanted to pass on to my husband in the midst of his ministry year and all the changes the ministry has experienced over the last 18 months. I think that's important for anyone in ministry to hear, even a mommy. The reminder to measure success on the small things is a big encouragement for me.

Again, it was a blessing to hear from these godly people and I can't wait to get into Rosie's book (and then write a review). :)

Sunday's Day of Praise

This is a longer post because of all the wonderful messages we heard on Sunday (February 13th). Hope you enjoy and don't forget to leave a comment with your thoughts. :)


First, I have to tell you that 12 years ago my husband and I went on our first date (kind of a real date, kind of a "just friends" date and a double-date): Sioux City Musketeers hockey game and McDonald's; I ordered a fish sandwich and fries. I sat with my hands on my knees the entire night because I wanted him to hold my hand so badly, but he didn't...until we were half-way home. Just a little tid-bit of my love-life. :)

We woke early to a great breakfast of Cinnamon Coffee Cake. Then headed to church at Voice of Calvary Fellowship for services at 8am. Reverend Neddie Winters preached on the free gift of salvation  and it was a wonderful message. It was kind of sad going to VOC Fellowship because the church has really shrunk in size and a lot of our old friends have moved on to other churches. They were the first racially integrated in church in Jackson so it's sad to see that little church struggle as all of our friends have left and joined other churches.

One of the churches that our friends have migrated to is Redeemer Presbyterian Church, Jackson. What a great.church! It was so wonderful to see our friends singing in the choir just like the "old days." :) The church was so multi-cultured. It was a delight to my heart to see all the colors blended into God's holy people, dearly loved. It was a bit of heaven. And I'm not just talking about skin-tone. I'm talking about the spiritual culture of the church as well. To see the worship progress with quotes from John Calvin, to some quiet "Amens" from the crowd, to the choir boisterously lifting praise Almighty God, to the college and high school students filling the pews, to the gray heads that bowed in prayer, to the reading of Old and New Testament Scriptures, to the singing of popular worship songs and hymns. It was a beautiful church that is making strides not only racially but also spiritually. It was just indescribable the feeling of that church. It was a piece of heaven.

Pastor Campbell shared a message with us on the Omniscience of God from Hebrews 4:12-16. And it was powerful. Omnicience of God is something that a lot of us Christians know but it's not like we think about it a lot. God knows everything: about Himself, everything actual and possible (doesn't have to learn), about us - whether we want to admit it or not. It's easy for us to know that God is omniscient, but it's hard to really believe it.

Believing that God sees us nurtures sobriety - and not in the alcohol/drug sense. Sobriety - sober. Believing that God knows everything gives a seriousness to life. This sobriety means that we believe that we can not hid from God and we can not manipulate Him (to make ourselves feel better or to get what we want). Hiding from God is sin. And God sees our supposed confession without repentence. He knows when we are not being authentic. "There is no right to privacy in God's constitution." :)

Believing that God sees us nurtures sanctification. It causes us to become more purposeful in our pursuit of holiness. "Here's your motiviation: I SEE YOU" - God. We must give an account (vs 13). This is not a picture of a vindictive father. We see in verse 12 that the sword cuts to the deepest part of us, parts of us that we can not separate, where even we don't know what is happening (that we're sinning). How do we turn that sword from judgement to healing? How do we open ourselves up to that kind of penetration? We need to praise God that He really sees us and reaches down in there to heal our sinful hearts.

Believing that God sees us nurtures supplication. That fact that God sees us shouldn't make us run away but run into His arms because of what Jesus has done for us (vs 14-16). He understands our weaknesses and our struggles. He covers us and sees us through our sorrow. He is the perfect covering for our sin and we needn't hide like Adam and Eve. We must boldy go to him (with confidence - as Rev. Winters preached early in the morning), not with arrogance. Arrogance is thinking we can "do it ourselves" and we don't need Him.  Every moment we have access to the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings. God looks at us because He wants us to be a reflection of His Son, not to smack us around. He sympathizes with our weaknesses but in our weakness we must come to Him. His is a love of mercy and of grace.

See, I told you it was really good. :) I just thought it was great to know that God knows Himself, because there are times when I don't know myself. Why am I crying? I don't know. :) Why did I just do that? I don't know. And the fact that God doesn't see us so He can cut us and wound us, He uses His sword with skill to heal us and remove the sin in our lives. And it may hurt but God offers healing through His Son, Jesus Christ and understands that we are weak. But at the same time, it's serious business. God seeing us should cause us to become serious about our relationship with Him, should cause us to be more purposeful in living like Christ and should humble us enough to boldy go to Christ and ask Him for cleansing and renewal of our spirits and our hearts. Something that I need to be reminded of.

We relaxed for the afternoon and visited some of the places around Jackson that have been dilapidated for years and have been revitalized into a wonderful downtown area. They still have a long way to go but what a beautiful start.

Then we returned to Redeemer for their 6pm service, which was their 6-year anniversary celebration and installation of new elders and deacons. Our friend, Arthur Phillips had a solo and what a solo it was. He played piano and sang, while three young men accompanied with bass guitar, drums, and organ. Beautiful!

Because it was an anniversary celebration, one of the founding members came up and shared about how the church was started and the purposes behind it - a multi-cultural church. It was a wonderful testament to the healing and reconciliation that is happening in the South. It was a blessing to hear her heart and how the church has grown in the process. Hearing about the background and see the passion of these godly people spoke to my heart.

And the choir was inspiring. So energizing. The visiting pastor, Reverend Wy Plummer (African American Ministries Coodinator) said he needed a little time to calm himself after worship and even asked, "Am I really in a PCA church?!" That comment produced lots of chuckles. Another testament to the multi-cultural aspect of this church (racially, spiritually and in worship).

Rev. Plummer's message was based on Psalm 51 and was titled, "Repentance as a Way of Life." He commented on how this may seem like a heavy message for an anniversary celebration but he told us it wouldn't be too heavy. :) This Psalm was written by a repentant David after he was rebuked by the prophet Nathan for killing Uriah and sleeping with his wife, Bathsheeba. It's a wonderful description of how repentance should work and how it can be a growth experience for us.

David expresses how his sin has caused tension in his relationship with God, and that grieves him. And we should be grieved when we sin against the Holy God. But we need to learn to hate our sin instead of beating ourselves up. God doesn't judge us because he's already judged Jesus and that sin has been paid for if we have a personal relationship with Him.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
(Romans 8:1)

We need to confess our sin, and tell God "I have sinned against you" and focus on change. True repentance produces the fruit of evangelism (revival). Our story of sin and forgiveness involving life-change is not a time of sorrow but of joy as we see God's love and grace. It's a blessing to share our "story" with others as they may be struggling in their sin. We offer hope as repentance is the gateway to a joyful life with Christ.

It was a very powerful sermon and Rev. Plummer related it to the work in the church. How the sins of the past have been forgiven and how we need to seek out the hope that is offered through reconciliation and repentance. It was a blessing.

And I didn't think I could ever get emotional about installation of new elders and deacons but I was moved. To see generations of hate and fear vanish as both black and white men embraced as they accepted the new church leadership was so moving. To know that there is true forgiveness, love, and joy was a picture of heaven and the hope we can have that one day there will be true peace between all men (and women). :)

It was a busy day full of spiritual enlightenment and my heart was renewed. That's why it's taken me so long to post about this because so much of the day struck my heart. I think my husband would have enjoyed the time at Redeemer as he has a passion for multi-cultural ministry. It was truly a blessing to hear the Word of the Lord.

Posting on the Road - Hodge-Podge

I know I promised lots of posts about our trip but so much has happened and there's so much to think about and process. :) We've had some great ministry opportunities, met great people both from Mississippi and volunteers from the Midwest, heard some wonderful speakers and preachers, and traveled some pretty crazy roads through Mississippi and Tennessee.

Also, there have been many sad baby moments. I don't usually have very much time to sit and think about things so it's been an emotional journey for me. Plus, it seems like it's baby city again. For a while I was doing really well because it seemed like there was a pause in pregnancies and births of people I know, but now we're on round 2 and it's been hard. It's especially hard for people that I am close with or people having their third child. Makes me sad not knowing if God will ever gives us a fifth third child. And the emotions have been surprising me. At weird times I seem to get teary and the strangest things will make me feel like something is missing.

It's been good for me to process our second loss, but difficult at the same time for two reasons: 1) I'm with my dad. I don't want to be an emotional sad sack or look like I'm going crazy so I've been restraining myself, and 2) Because it's just hard and painful to work through the emotions, especially in a quiet way.

I'm also missing my boys like crazy. It's nice to be gone long enough to miss them, but now that I'm missing them I just want to be home. :) I love my wild boys. I miss their laughs, their cries, their cuddles, their energy (yes, even their energy), and I just miss being with them and seeing them together. Makes me thankful for my living children and crave the ones in heaven.

Enough from Debbie Downer (wah-wah). I will have two posts going up soon (hopefully) about worship on Sunday and when we heard Dr. John Perkins and Dr. Dolphus Weary speak. Thanks for your patience. :)

Dick and Margie

Dick and Margie started coming down to Cary, Mississippi from Platte, South Dakota 16 years ago. They would serve for two weeks at the Cary Christian Center (CCC) and then head back up north to Platte. But their hearts remained in Mississippi.

Four years ago some of Dick and Margie's family came to Cary to build them a "retirement" home right on the site of the Cary Christian Center. They come down in October and stay through May to serve at the Center. And they are such a blessing. They do all kinds of things there: help at the thrift stores, fix anything and everything, paint, clean, sort boxes, and host couples, families and groups in the CCC's dorm and apartments.

We were invited to their house for dinner on Friday night. And it was such a blessing. Margie made the yummiest turkey soup and cheese sandwiches. And Dick made brownies for dessert. The conversation was great but what I enjoyed the most was Dick's prayers.

He had a way of talking to God that made me teary. I wish I could've recorded his voice speaking to God. It was beautiful. He talked to Him with such reverence and respect but... like God was his Dad. I've heard people pray to God with respect before but he just sounded different. You could tell he had a real relationship with Him. It was such a blessing. And he would pause a little between sentences and I loved it. It was so peaceful. To be honest, my husband prays like that at the dinner table but I try to rush him through as our two restless boys struggle to not dig into their food. I will try not to do that anymore and enjoy the conversation that my husband leads me into with the Savior.

We had a wonderful time with Dick and Margie. I stayed in an apartment for the night - a real bed! - while my dad stayed in the truck. We both got to take showers and then in the morning Dick and Margie took us to the local dive, Chuck's, for breakfast. It was fun to see how everyone seemed to know them and how they seemed to know everyone. It was so beautiful. They have really developed relationships with people down here and it's great to see. They are such a special couple and it was fun getting to know them. God blessed me in such a way by being able to take a glimpse into their lives and their ministry. It's a good example for me and my family.

Rolling Fork, MS

We arrived in Rolling Fork, MS on Friday after spending 31 hours in the truck (driving, riding, eating, sleeping). After a few tries backing the truck up to the back doors we walked on the soggy ground around to the front of the building to let Audry, the manager of the Treasure Chest Thrift Store, know that we were finally there. We were greeted with smiles and hugs. She closed down the store, sent the guys to the back and we started to unload...and 2 1/2 hours later the truck was unloaded and the shelves, back store room, floor displays were full. And I mean full: beds, mattresses, building materials, boxes and boxes of clothes, shoes and misc, dishes, baby items, couches and chairs, dining sets, outdoor furniture...We even had a box full of Bibles for Audry to give away a her church, and some of them were those BIG FAMILY Bibles. BIG and heavy. :) But she loved every one of them.

The store was great. It was organized and clean. There were quite a few shoppers inside when we got there. They were really gracious about leaving when Audry closed the shop, probably because they knew why - new merchandise. :) I'm sure the store was busy this morning as there were a lot of new things out on the floor. It's nice knowing that someone eles's unwanted or unused items find new homes, that they become a blessing to someone.

Super Cute - With Yarn

Here are two super cute ideas with yarn from Monica at The Homespun Heart, one of my favorite blogs! Now I need to wait for yarn to go on sale. :)

Wrapped Around You
A great "thinking of you gift."

Yarn Flowers - Cozying Up with Yarn
Such sweet ideas to decorate with yarn and it looks so cozy!

Our Anniversary

My husband and I were married on New Year's Eve of 2002. It was a wonderful wedding and we had so much fun at our reception! It was such a blessed day.

We really enjoy having our anniversary on New Year's Eve as there's always something special going on - although we usually choose to spend our time alone together. The only real tradition that we have for our anniversary is taking the year's calendar along to dinner so we can look over each month and talk about highs & lows, who was sick when, what the weather was (I do write down major things: snow storms, flooding, etc), travels, ministry opportunities, etc. We discuss how we've grown, how we've seen our boys grow, where we see ourselves in the next year and even set some personal, marriage, and family goals.

But this year, I had the 2010 calendar put away on the shelf by December 28th. I was more than ready to start a new year. And honestly, I was hoping Jonathan wouldn't remember our calendar tradition. But sure enough, the afternoon of December 31st he asked me where the calendar was so we could take it along to dinner. I told him that I put it away. And I hoped he wouldn't go grab it for our date.

As we were getting in the car after kissing the boys good night and giving instructions to the sitter, he hands me the 2010 calendar. I look at it with dread. We drive the 30 minutes it takes to get to the restaurant and I feel a headache coming on. It's not your average headache, it's a stress headache that starts in between my shoulder blades and comes out my eyes. My neck muscles are tight and my skull hurts.

We are seated quickly, as my wonderful husband had made reservations, and I take a few ibuprofen to get through the evening. The food didn't even taste that good because my head hurt so bad. As we're eating our table-made guacamole, he pulls out the calendar, ready to dive-in to our tradition. And I tell him that I can't. I can't look at that calendar. I can't look over the year and talk about highs and lows, as my high started in January and ended horribly in April when we found out Elihu was dead. The depression that follows for several months and then finally a light. God's revelation to me about Elihu and the plan He had for his little life. I didn't want to think about how hard October 8th was. I didn't want to think about the pregnancy we discovered in early November. I didn't want to look at the month of spotting wondering if we were going to lose our second baby this year and I didn't want to look at the month of December and see our worst fears realized. I didn't want to see the date of our second D&C for the year and the pain and emotional trauma that we experienced right before Christmas. I did not want to look at that calendar. (Right now I can feel my shoulders and neck becoming tight again just as I write about it.)

I finally admitted my sadness, guilt, shame, anger, self-pity, emptiness to my husband and could finally feel my body relax. He was perfectly fine with not looking at the calendar and wished that I had said something sooner. It wasn't a big deal to him and that was such a relief. We made it through the rest of our dinner and decided not to stay for dessert. I was in a funky mood and didn't really want to stay there any longer.

We decided to walk to a coffee shop several blocks away in the freezing cold with the blustery winds biting at our cheeks. But it felt so good to me. The cold air was so refreshing. There were a lot of people out and about and it was weird for me to see how happy and hopeful they were. "What all these people were so happy about?"

We walked into the coffee shop and ordered our drinks and dessert to go. We sipped as we walked to our car and I felt relieved. I didn't have to reminisce the past year with my husband. I didn't have to go over those tough emotions of losing two babies in one year. I didn't have to dwell on that 2010 calendar. I could move on and hope for the things God has planned for us for 2011. I was finally feeling hope and I was ready to release the year 2010 to God, and put it on the shelf.

2010 was a painful year for us. And some day I will take out that calendar and pour over the things that happened and how we are better for them, how we grew both spiritually and emotionally. And how God was still with us through all that pain. I am so thankful for all of God's new beginnings: a new day, a new week, a new month, a new year. God is good to give us that fresh perspective, that fresh start.

I am thanking God for the hope that 2011 offers me, and I know that even if it's another painful year, that God is faithful and will always offer me a new beginning.