Hard Days Ahead

Today I would be at 34 weeks and 3 days - the same gestational age I was when I had my firstborn.

I've actually been doing a lot better emotionally. My hormones have stabilized, my postpartum depression is almost gone (had it with both boys and started feeling better when they were about 4 months old), and I've been getting better at guarding my heart around expectant and new moms. Even though it's still hard at times.

I've also been extremely busy with homeschooling - prep and day to day learning alongside my boys, and getting our house ready to sell - hopefully someone will buy it soon!! (We would like to move to another home in our town for ministry reasons.) So, honestly I haven't had a lot of time to think about it - which is ok. I think that's the process we all go through when we've grieved a loss, there is a time when we think of it constantly and everything around us is a reminder of who we lost. And then you reach the point where you're not thinking about it all the time and then you realize "Wow, I haven't thought about that in a while. I feel kind of bad." But with the due date quickly approaching more and more thoughts about the baby will be flooding my brain.

Like today - I would be at the same gestational age when I had my firstborn. I reminded my husband of that on our date last week. And then it hit him - we'd have another baby today - three kids - a family of five. All the excitement and anticipation would be here and we'd be rejoicing over another life - another arrow in our quiver.

So, if you see me around the next few weeks you can just ask me how I'm doing and if you can, pray that God will grant me peace and hope over the next few weeks. That would be wonderful. Thanks.